I recently had a father-son moment that strikes me as particularly relevant to this month’s column. It probably won’t shock you to know that the apple hasn’t fallen too far from the tree; my son is a gamer. He devours content and – as I believe I’ve alluded to in a previous story – is entirely platform agnostic, as appears typical of his generation. He is also a bookworm, which means that if a gaming device of some sort isn’t immediately available or he has expended his daily allotment of screen time, his go-to is usually a hearty book. (On a side note, I’m exceedingly proud that his next read is Game Over: Press Start to Continue.)
He’s at that age where kids become judgmental, a fault that unfortunately stays with most of us for the rest of our lives. But we’ve done our best to raise him to accept people on the merits of their actions. The conversation went something like:
“Hey, Dad. Mom said you wanted to talk with me?”
“Yeah… Why was it that you decided to say nothing when that defenseman from the other team keep taunting you today at lacrosse?”
(Shrugs his shoulders and appears ambivalent.)
“Didn’t it bother you that, when you didn’t smack-talk back, the other two defensemen joined in?”
“Nah.”
“Why not?!”
“You’ve always told me that the only opinion that matters about who I am is my own,” he says confidently.
Taken aback, and trying not to show my inner glee, I said, “That’s true. But what other people think does impact your life. If you choose to ignore a bully, that’s still a conscious choice you’re making. And by doing so, you’re choosing a strategy… a tact.”
(He looks at me confused. Probably thinking something like: de-nerd-ify that a bit for me, please.)
“Look, I’m not advocating that you check (lacrosse term for physically hit with your body or the stick) him or anything. In fact, I care more about you thinking that other people’s perception doesn’t mean anything, when in fact it does.”
He’s now really confused and I’m probably keeping him from leveling up or crushing his sister… hopefully the former.
“OK. Let’s look at it objectively: first, one defenseman did a bit of smack-talking and poke checked you. As an attackman, that’s pretty normal.” He nods along. “When you didn’t react this time, it gave the other defensemen permission to join in, thinking that you were going to permit it.” He keeps nodding. “And your teammates were looking to you for direction… to see how they should react…like if they should jump in if you were upset. But because you didn’t react defensively, they assumed that you were OK and said and did nothing.” His eyes widen a bit.
“Knowing who you are and being confident in yourself is truly important, but what you say and don’t say and what you do or don’t do informs how people will treat you. You’re making decisions by your action, or in this case inaction, that empowers other people and gives them an impression of you that’s probably not accurate.”
Eyes wide and nodding affirmative, he’s getting it – so I continue, “What you did was the right thing, initially. But when it continues and the few instances add up to reinforce an opinion or impression, you need to own that – at least partly – yourself, because you are making a conscious choice. The next time something like that happens, on the field or off, feel free to stand up for yourself. Your teammates have your back. You’re all in the same boat. And you can still be confident in knowing who you are.” And… he got it.
I have to admit that it was touch and go there for a while, but it’s an important lesson. Negative stereotypes are perpetuated by inaction to counter them. And oftentimes, the folks that propagate those defamatory impressions don’t realize that they’re doing as much harm as they do. That doesn’t mean however, that those on the receiving end are off the hook or doomed to martyrdom. They have a voice. And they can choose to take a stand. By doing nothing they have also made a choice; they have chosen to permit it, and as such are at least as guilty as the offenders.
Combating the negative stereotypes the gaming industry and gamers themselves face is becoming a daunting task. We’ve allowed people to equate gaming with everything from laziness to isolationism and antisocial behavior, when so clearly it’s the opposite. Because we’ve permitted everyone from anti-games advocates (disbarred attorneys included) to the President of the United States of America to perpetuate those fallacies and said and done nothing, we need to take ownership of at least part of that blame; until and unless we speak up and do something about it. It’s time.
13 Comments
July 20, 2009
Isn't it an amazing moment when our kids remember what we've taught them? Excellent parenting Hal. We gamers can raise responsible kids after all! ;-)
~"kilaMOMjaro"
July 20, 2009
"...until and unless we speak up and do something about it."
And what would you suggest?
I fully agree with you, we do need to speak up and we do need to do something. But nobody seems to know what that "something" is. I've written emails to CA Governor Schwarzenegger about the video game law. He proceeded against my recommendation. I wrote an email to President Obama about the way he talks about video games. He has continued badmouthing them.
I'm not so naive to think that one guy can make a difference. I'm not Ghandi or Dr. King fighting for human or civil rights. One email to the California Governor won't change his mind. (Neither does logic, apparently.)
My strategy at this point is to be patient. Someday, everyone who has never played a video game will be gone, and the people making the decisions will "get it."
July 21, 2009
A truly wonderful article. You've said pretty much everything I have for years wished to say, and so eloquently.
July 21, 2009
“Knowing who you are and being confident in yourself is truly important, but what you say and don’t say and what you do or don’t do informs how people will treat you. You’re making decisions by your action, or in this case inaction, that empowers other people and gives them an impression of you that’s probably not accurate.”
This was my favorite part of the article. It can be applied to just about anything in life.
July 21, 2009
@SpaceGhost2K
"I'm not so naive to think that one guy can make a difference. I'm not Ghandi or Dr. King fighting for human or civil rights. One email to the California Governor won't change his mind. (Neither does logic, apparently.)"
You are naive, because what Hal is trying to do here is issue a rallying call, and you're missing the point. As a gamer, if you promote gaming and don't agree with the stereotypes placed on it by others, like Mr. Obama's statement about gaming, then it is your duty to stand up for it. All Hal is saying is make a difference to the people you come in contact with when they trash gamers or when they make generalized statements. If we as whole do this, we will accomplish the task faster and acceptance will follow sooner. Defending this in front of your family or co-worker or friend or random stranger is more effective than emailing the Governor.
In this article, Hal mentions how his son needs to step up and lead so others will follow, in this case his teammates. We are just a much larger team, and our team will follow where we lead. Hal is a leader and we are leaders, too if we follow and stand up when needed.
-James
nWarriors.com/forums/
July 21, 2009
I fully agree with standing up for ourselves, and it's high time the President received a loud message from the community. Hal, this responsibility falls upon the membership of the ECA, and we're looking to you to help organize.
July 21, 2009
@ James Stevens
"You are naive, because what Hal is trying to do here is issue a rallying call, and you're missing the point."
No, he's not. "Do something" isn't a rallying call. Define a course of action, first.
Believe me, I do my best to step up and lead. I'm a member of multiple forums, including one that I run. I go to every gaming event I can weasel my way into, and then offer feedback to the community. I'm a Microsoft Xbox MVP (one of about 50 worldwide). I got that award because of my positive contributions to the online gaming community. And it's hard, not having a corporate logo stapled to your chest. I promise you, I "get it."
If the President bashed video games, what's the better course of action, phone a friend or write the President?
Reread the last paragraph again. "We've allowed." "We've permitted." It's a free country. They have a right to say things that go against what we believe and how we feel. The problem is that we know what to say in response, but we don't know how to get the message OUT. We can "allow" them to say that, but we need to 1) have a response ready, and 2) have a way to get that response out there.
Who do we put on FOX or CNN when they completely misrepresent something gaming related? No offense to Mr. Halpin, but if he went on TV with a "message", people would change the channel because they don't know him from Adam. Geoff Keighley was basically kicked to the curb during the whole FOX "Mass Effect" brouhaha. (First change I got, I thanked him personally for the effort.)
@ Flopsy
That's what I'm talking about.
July 21, 2009
@SpaceGhost2k
Mmmk, I understand what you're saying, I kinda misunderstood your comment. I agree with your statements in that we need a stronger voice (someone who actually means something to broadcast media and someone who is well known). And the ECA is as close to that as we have right now, like Flopsy said... I guess it's just going to take time. This "voice" is our problem since it's not strong enough or collective enough to actually matter to the general public.
However, with time, it'll come. The Wii is everywhere now and it's a matter of time until everyone starts to understand the truth about the gaming industry and its participants. The ECA is a great start, and I think Hal is trying his best to find the best methods of distribution for our voice (like local university chapters, it's starts with the younthful, connected people who like to make noise when it comes to their views).
Still, Hal's editorial piece this month is clearly trying to outreach and rally since Industry Gamers is one of his best "voices" that he has in his arsenal. I was simply defending Hal on that.
nWarriors.com/forums/
July 22, 2009
I hate to say that we need an acceptable "talking head", but when it comes right down to it, that IS what the opposition has, isn't it? Who's the highest profile videogamer? Who, if they said "Now wait just a second..." would make people actually wait just a second, and listen to what he or she had to say?
July 23, 2009
Great article, but I found comments much more interesting. I don't live in USA, so I don't know Obama or Schwarzenegger comments on this particular issue. Here in Uruguay we have a very conservative population, most of it is completely out from any sort of gaming. Those of us who play games are tied to a kind of subculture label (which includes other stuff like anime, comics, etc.). We don't mind that much because we just play, we don't have a gaming industry at all. But if I were there, I would take all: talk to governor, president, co-worker, friend, family, stranger. Why not? The more you do about it, the most satisfaction you'll get because you'll feel that you've done the best you could. Over time, gaming will be as mainstream as tv and this kind of discussion, something of the past. I hope the best for us all.
October 2, 2009
I totally agree, gamers have been bad mouthed by the press and by the goverment. The problem I've seen is that we as gamers don't really care. When you start to talk about how the media and goverment puts us down peoples eyes glaze over. So till we band together and say hey where not fat, lazy, and live in our mother's basement then that is how the world will view us.
March 26, 2010
they said "Now wait just a second..." would make people actually wait just a second, and listen to what he or she had to say?
sd card
July 15, 2010
This article helped a lot. Thank you..
gold
edhardy